Kim DeGraw is the activities director at Sheridan Green House, a long-term care facility operated by Sheridan Memorial Hospital.
Before beginning work as an activities director at Sheridan Green House, I held the same assumptions many people do. Growing older means fewer choices and less freedom. Our bodies protest and our minds tire, so aging must mean a gradual stepping back from the life you once knew. What the elders I work with have taught me, though, is that none of that has to be true.
Aging is about redefining your purpose, not abandoning it.
The elders I see day in and day out want to contribute. They want to set the table, rinse a dish, fold laundry, share a story, teach a card game or offer advice. These may seem like small tasks, but they matter. Purpose doesn’t disappear with age — it just looks a little different.
Elders have also shown me independence is a spectrum. Freedom maybe used to feel like driving on back roads with the windows down, but now it centers around decisions like when to wake up, what to eat, where to sit or how to spend the afternoon. Often elders have more freedom to spend their time how they choose than younger generations in the throes of raising families and working.
While I often remind elders that movement matters, nobody is expecting a marathon. Activity can mean walking, hallway bowling or simply getting up to join a conversation. Staying active, it turns out, is less about the activity itself and more about engagement with the world around you.
This is why mental stimulation is just as important. One of my favorite discoveries has been how powerful curiosity remains later in life. When we explore other cultures, listen to unfamiliar music or talk about places someone has never been, something sparks. Learning doesn’t have an expiration date.
Social connection may be the most powerful lesson of all. Nearly every day, I see meals transform as conversations help bridge the past and present. A single story recalls memories in others and creates a sense of belonging among friends. While so many of us eat meals while scrolling our phones or working at our desks, elders take the time to connect.
There is no denying, though, that aging brings change and often loss. Loss of mobility, loss of memory, loss of loved ones. But elders have taught me about resilience, and shown how much better they adapt when supported. Humor helps, too.
Perhaps the most surprising lesson has come from watching generations connect. Children sitting with elders, reading books, listening to stories, asking questions — these moments matter more than most. Children remind elders that their lives, their memories and their voices carry weight. And elders teach younger generations empathy, patience and perspective.
While these are all important lessons – about independence, activity, social connection, resilience and relevance – the primary thing elders have taught me is that life doesn’t narrow with age unless we let it. Connection, curiosity and joy are available at every stage of life — if we choose to make space for them.
That’s a lesson worth carrying with us, no matter our age.